Thematic meeting for parents on the topic of Our mistakes in the upbringing of children
All parents raise their children to the best of my skill and understanding of life and rarely think about why, in certain situations, do so, and not otherwise. However, each mother in life there are moments when the beloved child behavior baffling.
In your mistakes you are not alone, all their parents occasionally do. But always better to learn from the mistakes of others, isn’t it?
A promise not to love
“If you’re not going like I want, I’ll never love you”
The opinion of parents: Why children are so often argue about any of our request? Maybe they’re doing us out of spite. How to be? To appeal to common sense? Yes, they just can’t hear what adults say to them. To threaten? These are no longer valid. “Mommy will no longer love you”. How often do many of us say this phrase!
Advice to parents: a Promise not to love your baby – one of the strongest tools of education. However, this threat is usually not carried out. But I feel fake. Once cheated, you can for a long time to lose the trust of the child – the child will perceive you as people lying.
Better to say: “I’ll still love it, but your behavior I don’t approve of”.
“Do what you want, I don’t care”
The opinion of parents: Why bother? To argue, to look for arguments to prove something to the child, nervous? The child himself must learn to solve their problems. And generally the child should be prepared for adult life, may he more likely to become adults.
Advice to parents: Never need to show your child that you don’t care what he does. He felt your indifference, will immediately begin to check how it “real”. Verification will be doing initially bad. Child is waiting, whether for violation, criticism or not. Therefore it is better instead of ostentatious indifference to try to develop a child friendly relations, even if his behavior you completely satisfied.
We can say, for example: “you Know, in this matter I with you completely agree. But I want to help you because I love you. At any time when you need it, you can ask me for advice”.
Too much rigor
“You must do what I told you, because I’m at home”
The opinion of parents: Children should obey adults without question is the most important in the education principle. No matter how much the child is 6 or 16 years. Children cannot give concessions, otherwise they will eventually sit on our shoulders.
Tip for parents: Children need to understand why and why they are doing something. Too strict education based on principles that are not always clear to the child resembles the training. The child may implicitly obey all when near you, and “spit” out all the stops when you’re not around. Persuasion better rigor.
You can say: “now You do as I say, and in the evening we will discuss why and what”.
Children need to pamper
“I think I’ll do it myself. My baby is not yet capable of”
The parents: We are ready to do everything for our baby, because children should always get the best. Childhood is the shortest time, so it should be fine. So nice to guess and to fulfill every wish of the child.
Advice to parents: Spoiled children struggle in life. You can not keep a single child under the hood of parental love, it can lead to many problems. When parents take literally every stone road with the baby, the child does not feel happier. On the contrary – he feels completely helpless and alone.
“Just try to do it myself, and if I fail, I’ll be happy to help.”
“My child is my best friend”
The opinion of parents: the Child is the most important thing in our lives, he’s such a smart, you can talk to him about everything. He understands us, just like an adult.
Tip for parents: Children are ready to do everything to please their parents, because parents are the most important people in the world. Children are even ready to dive into the complex world of adult problems, instead of to discuss their interests with their peers. But their problems remain unresolved.
More money – better education
The parents: We are too low on money, so I can even afford to treat the child, constantly having him all to refuse, he heavily pregnant with her old stuff, etc. If we had more money we would be better parents.
Tip for parents: Love money can’t buy. Often, in families with low incomes adults make everything so that the child may be in need of anything. But you should not feel remorse for not being able to fulfill all his desires. Actually love, affection, play together and held together the entertainment for children is much more important than the contents of your wallet. If, to understand, not money makes the baby happy, and the realization that he is to you the most.
“My child will pursue music, I will not allow him to miss an opportunity”
The opinion of parents: Many adults had dreamed as a child to do something, but they didn’t have opportunities. And now the main purpose of moms and dads to give their children the best education. No matter if the kids don’t really want, time will pass and they will appreciate the efforts of adults.
Advice to parents: unfortunately, children do not always appreciate the efforts of parents. And often bright future painted by the adults in his imagination, breaks on the unwillingness of a child to engage in, say, music. While the child is still small and listens to adults, but then… Wanting to escape from the cage of parental love, begins to protest possible means, it may be taking drugs, alcohol. Therefore, filling the day the child is necessary and useful activities, don’t forget to leave him some time for personal Affairs.
“Can or not. It depends on my mood”
The opinion of parents: problems at work, poor relationships in the family, as adults often “let off steam” on the child. Many believe that there is nothing to worry. Enough then to invite the kid and buy long-promised toy and everything will be fine.
Advice to parents: Parents should show the child that they are pleased by his good deeds, and bad upset. This creates in children a sense of unwavering values. When adults are in favor of his selfishness and mood today allow something, and tomorrow it’s forbid, a child can understand only one thing: anyway, what I’m doing, most importantly, what parents mood. However, if you feel that you yourself do not convert, it is better to agree in advance with the child: “now, when I have good mood, you will not be allowed to do whatever you want. And if you’re bad try to be a bit patient with me”.
Too little time for child-rearing
“Unfortunately, I have absolutely no time for you”
The opinion of parents: Many adults are very busy at work, but every free moment I try to spend with children: they take them to the garden, cook for them, wash, buy what they need. Children should understand that parents simply do not have time to play and read with them.
Tip for parents: Adults often forget a simple truth – if we had a child, and need time for him to find. A child who hears all the time that adults with no time, will seek among strangers soul mates. Even if your day is painted on minutes, find half an hour in the evening (in the matter of quality not quantity) talk to him, tell a story or read a book. The child needed.