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Adoption: meet the parents

 

Svetlana and Vladimir – the parents of Christina (pupils Tomsk orphanage) and angelina (pupils Tomsk children’s Home). They came especially for them to Tomsk from Ekaterinburg. I met them quite by accident in the camp, where the rest of the children of the orphanage, after their first meeting with Christina. No interview, by the way, was not planned and not expected.

Christina, as it turned out, was waiting for them for a long time. Therefore, as soon as they came into the game, immediately asked: “You will take me?”. I first witnessed a unique phenomenon, when three strange man, who yesterday did not suspect about existence of each other, suddenly realize that they are one family, so when the teachers took Christine into the dining room, asked for permission to turn on the recorder.

It turned out that in Ekaterinburg children for them was found, as this year there was a boom, which causes neither Svetlana or Vladimir can not explain and children in Yekaterinburg orphanages. So they started looking for her child in regional databases and came across photos of short-haired five-year Christina and her completely bald one-year-old sister angelina. As is always the case – something inside of my stomach, and they flew to Tomsk. Svetlana and Vladimir does not hide the fact that children chose on external qualities. The decisive factor – I wanted to press it to her heart and kissing, because only in this case it is possible to love another’s child unconditionally.

– We have a very difficult to find an adoptive family for an interview or comment, as many keep it a secret adoption.

– Svetlana . When they take a child to an adult, how do they keep this secret?

– Adult children in Tomsk rarely adopted. Mainly infants objectors family take. While adults only custody and go to foster homes.

– Vladimir . And so what’s the secret of adoption may be, it would still grow, if they knew it was a trauma. It makes no sense not to.

– Svetlana . We, by the way, said contrary to “foster parents– that we should not ignore this fact, because my parents are always under pressure in this lie will live, and then there is the well-wisher, which is sure to spill the beans. Therefore, it is better for the child to know the truth initially.

– Vladimir . Plus distrust will arise in the child. The secrecy of adoption should be to biological parents didn’t know that it must be not interfered and will not interfere to raise a child. And for the child confidentiality of adoption should not be. If you grow and have a desire to find the biological parents, then go find and watch it.

– If the child is at some point you will say: “I want to see their” what will you answer him.

– Vladimir . Grow – please. Go take a look. The open borders, the crossings opened.

– Svetlana . Now there are social networks. Everything is so accessible that finding someone is not difficult.

– How Christina you reacted when meeting?

– Svetlana . Take us, says.

– Vladimir . Said that “Even in another city. I will go”.

– But externally it’s yours?

– Vladimir . Yes.

– Svetlana . Nice girl. Sweetheart. In the family she will blossom.

– but increasingly, they say that “genes” – it’s a myth, don’t mean anything with the right training. But many do not get tired to repeat, “from Ryabinka not be born of apelsinka”. Are not you afraid that after some time genetics will prevail over education?

– Vladimir . No.

– Svetlana . Was driving yesterday, I read about this book. The most important thing, the environment in which he lives. Preferably, of course, to capture the first three years of life, but the environment – it’s basic. Genes may have a weight, but mostly everything depends on upbringing.

– Vladimir . My dad drinks, and what. I’m not an alcoholic.

– Well wait what your age! (laugh)

– Vladimir . I have gone through this phase.

– How to Ekaterinburg organized by the school of adoptive parents?

– Svetlana . There are many different forms. There are both full-time and part-time. For remote areas, as I understand it, there is a correspondence. In each area we also has its own SOC.protection, act school of adoptive parents. In the group we had 10 people, we were engaged in a cubical. Discussed a variety of topics. For example, the legal aspects, we were told the heads of the social.departments. Psychologists explain the features of child development and characteristics of children out of spec.institutions. Were doctors, pediatricians, neurologists. All those who are familiar with children’s diseases.

– Vladimir . Also there were those who are in direct contact with children.

– Svetlana . We spoke on very different topics. Including, for example, we openly answered questions about genetics. About the trail that bring the alcohol, Smoking and drug addiction. Actually reported worse.

– And what’s scarier? Drug addiction?

– Choir . No, alcoholism.

– Svetlana . In the form of the game we were divided into groups, gave a bean of white and black. Simulated situation: two children, both fall into the family, but in one prosperous, and the second – in dysfunctional. And we had to monitor how the baby is developing, what new gets from this life, what skills. If good prevails, you little white pour beans in a jar, if the bad – black. And the result is that children who grow up in a happy family, develop normally. I remember we had a full Bank of white fasolino. Another very memorable lecture about the difference between children who grow up in families and children who grow up in orphanages, how it is difficult.