Why do children lie to their parents, and how to fight it?
No matter how much we wanted to see their children truthful, from time to time they have to state that children, like adults, lying. Lie children of all ages, but especially they often do in early childhood.
Age 2 to 4 years:
– Today I told to all children in kindergarten that we were in Africa.
– But you haven’t been there…
But someday we’re still going there, right?
In young children from birth highly developed imagination. Sometimes children with difficulty distinguish the actual from the fictional and therefore often fantastic stories turn into a dream come true, “persisted” children’s minds.
Four-Misha often brought from kindergarten his favorite toys, but he always claimed that the teacher allowed him to take them home. The psychologist explained: so Misha wants to have this toy that is sure that is entitled to take her home.
What to do?
Stupid and harmful to punish kids for similar offenses, even if they’re lying. Parents need to patiently explain to the children that it is not always what he wants – executable. Long lecture about honesty and the dignity of truth is likely to be more confusing the minds of the little man.
It will be sad if he will make of such morals just because he is naughty. This may prompt a decision to continue to hide actions that are a threat to him. No parents should spare time to explain the difference between desire and reality and then the child will quickly learn to distinguish reality from fiction.
Age 5 to 7 years:
– Yanik, why you still haven’t changed the water, fishes in the aquarium?
– Because they have never drank…
By this age children begin to understand the science of that deception can serve as an opportunity to solve some of the problems and avoiding punishment. The deception becomes more deliberate and believable. Children increasingly begin to “rehearse” the possibility of the use of lies in the name of their protection.
Parents should strive to prevent any attempt of deception. Age this – “decisive” because the child decides for himself the important task: whether to lie and I wouldn’t lie. What it for themselves at this age will come to the conclusion, and will depend on further behavioral philosophy.
Talking with the child on the topic: “what is good and what is bad”, it should be remembered that one of the most important and working methods of suggestion values of truth and truthfulness is being honest. The child at this age still can not distinguish between “Holy” lies from the “home” lies. The child most likely will not understand the motives of your lies, but he can copy the ability to be dishonest.
What to do?
Try to convince the child that even a little dishonesty can seriously complicate and worsen his life. Try to prove various examples of his infantile life, which could convince him. If you decide to punish him for some transgression, then, first of all, make sure you know the real reason of the misconduct, and secondly, that the child that is punished.
Age 8 years and older:
– In history class:
– In 1410 battle of Grunwald.
– Well, and in 1437?
– And in 1437. it was dvadtsatisemiletny this battle!
Children at this age begin to look for ways to show their independence. Parents often feel that they still can easily “read” the thoughts of their child. In fact, they rarely manage to find out children’s “secrets and mysteries”, if they do not want this. The older the child becomes, the more aggressive he will relate to intrusions into their personal lives from their parents. Attempts to “squeezing” the recognition of the child or “phishing” information with which the child does not want to share, can lead to the fact that he will cheat even more inventive, with a simple goal: make him “behind”.
Children at this age can very convincingly and truthfully to lie. They mask facial expressions and carefully pick up the intonation to make the story as convincingly as possible.
Children are beginning to understand that lying can be used to achieve their goals. Teenagers are liars, as professional politicians, know exactly what is expected of them the interlocutors, and do not hesitate to indulge their desire. They are not thinking about the consequences of their lies, because we are convinced that if something happens, will be saved with lies again.
Common cause the lie becomes the parent sverepec. Teen may be under severe psychological stress because of not able to fit too high parental standards. His fear of punishment or parental dissatisfaction and the desire to “satisfy” the requirements of the parents can also cause lies.
What to do?
Create a family environment in which the child will be INTERESTING, EASY and CONVENIENT. Talk to him more often, help to understand the difficult situations and try to to solve the situation he has come with your help, but “myself”. To do this we need to create conditions so that the child trusted you that he was absolutely sure that you are not hurt his feelings and does not make me regret it reveals the secret.
Try to convince him examples, but not from his, and from his life that:
• the lie is easy to check and it always detected.
• even in the case, when falsehood brings relief, it is always temporary.
• a lie is a poor basis for true friendship, which is always based on trust.
• because they are liars deceive, others can do the same to them, and it can bring a lot of frustration and even trouble.
Another way to encourage truthfulness – your trust. Give your child the opportunity to feel independent and responsible for their actions. In a conversation try to avoid unpleasant topics that could induce him to deception. Make it clear to the child that ideal people do not exist, and you beside him to help, not to hurt him.
If, for example, he said that the school had not received the mark (because it actually got too low) and that they will be exposed only at the end of the year, tell him that according to your information, other students have already received their grades and that, probably, the teacher missed his name in the list, so you need to call the school and tell about it. There are no offensive words, there are no openly expressed mistrust that offend their dignity, however, the child will face the fact that he has no choice, it is better to tell the truth.
Try to warn a lie.
False – the result of insecurity in their abilities and capabilities. Make lying senseless! Nurture the child physically strong, intellectually developed, confident person. I guarantee that being so, the child will not lie, it just will not be any need for deception!
The child lives in two very different in their philosophy and human relations worlds: in the world of their peers and the adult world, which is very difficult for him. That’s why children deserve not only parental love, attention and trust, but and constant encouragement.
There are many ways to Express the respect for the child: talk to him politely, patiently answer to his questions, respect his opinion, carry out a reasonable request, try to share his likes and interests, grief and joy. This attitude on your part will cause a reciprocal sense of trust and respect and help to grow a friendly, flexible and contact people. And most important: try to often be together and communicate with each other: not as a “parent with child”, but as best friends.