The Adoptive parents. Who are they?
Worldwide adoption of children left without parental care, becomes, so to speak, more and more popular. A lot of movie stars, show business, television, politicians become adoptive moms and dads: Angelina Jolie and brad pitt, Nicole Kidman and Tom cruise, Sharon stone, Meg Ryan, Michelle Pfeiffer, Steven Spielberg and others. Among the Russian “ stars ” there are also adoptive parents: Svetlana Sorokin, Alexey Serebryakov, Tatyana Ovsienko, and former Manager of the President of Russia Pavel Borodin two adopted children, two under the care and a foster home.
Six out of ten Americans have experience with adoption (adopted or were adopted themselves, or have gone through it their relatives). In Russia adoptive parents is significantly less. According to a VTsIOM poll conducted in 2006, 81% of Russians are not going to adopt a child. The share of potential adopters – only 13%. Of those polled only 1% of adopted children.
Who are the people willing to become foster parents, why and with what feelings they do, what they are willing to break the habitual way of life? The desire to take a foster son or daughter occurs in all different ways, under different circumstances. The individual human stories show that taking kids to their family as the lack of love, communication, or fullness of life, and excess of the same feelings. There are also such motives as the desire to save a faltering marriage, a thirst for change, the intention to provide support in old age. However, psychologists noticed that the actions of these motives, does not always lead to the desired result, and often end very badly: from child refuse a second time.
Most often think about adoption, those who for whatever reason cannot have children of their own. However, in this case, especially if a long time there have been unsuccessful attempts to conceive their child, draw an idealized view of a happy family that the foster child may be unable to meet. It often happens that, in adopting a child, the woman still gets pregnant, although in the past it seemed impossible. Then the adopted son or daughter may become unnecessary. Practice shows that the best foster parents are those who have already raised their own children, has experience of parenthood.
One of the most common misconceptions among people wishing to become foster parents – the belief that the child will help to save the marriage, to keep a spouse. But the appearance of the child in the family, from which he retired understanding, in most cases only able to accelerate its decay sad for the child consequences.
Difficulties may arise in a family where one spouse wants to take the child, and the second agrees, without experiencing the real needs of the new family member.
A family that lost their child, often think about how to give the shelter the baby from the orphanage. Expectant parents think that the new son or daughter will be able to replace them with your own. This is a very dangerous situation. Constant comparison, idealization of the deceased child will lead to trauma of the adoptive child. To take someone else’s child can only be the case when parents are willing to love him, is able to enjoy him and not depend on their memories.
There are cases when at the shelter looking for a brother or sister for selfish or bored of their own offspring. The presence of a brother or sister can be very important for the formation of the child’s personality, but this should not be the main reason for adopting someone else’s child. Problems may even be aggravated, as to the selfishness is added to the jealousy and rivalry.
Obviously, whatever the emotional state of the parents, it is important to understand the main thing: a new member of the family should not be perceived as a means of solving their own problems (from fear of loneliness to desire to Express to others about his generosity).
Psychologists were the portrait of ” good ” foster parent. This is a man who has no reason to complain of his life, he was more successful, he believes that his life will be richer and brighter, when the family will have a baby, and seriously committed to this, despite possible complications. This man is not only pities the children who are deprived of parental care, but believes that can help them, willing to sacrifice some comforts to give them a warm home and to be caring, loving parent.
In many cities of Russia, people wishing to become foster parents, consultations of specialists, there are support groups and mutual aid, developed a special technique training for foster parents.
Today in Russia more than 260 thousand children living in orphanages. The overwhelming majority of kids have living parents who have abandoned them for various reasons. Employees of the charity EveryChild ( ” Every Child ” ), for many years working in Russia, believe that many children can be avoided if you have a family with timely assistance in solving its problems – housing, legal, financial. Those children, whose return to his family is not possible, should be brought up in adoptive or foster families. The experts ” Every child is ” confident that it is feasible to get rid of such an institution as the house of the child. Today in the UK there are no child abandonment at birth. There are no orphanages child from 0 to 3 years, even specialized ones, for severely ill children. All state support is geared towards the family.
According to the article ” My second mother. Who and why people become foster parents “.