Children’s fears and doubts
Our children are growing, and with each passing year their fears change. Something remains in the past, something settles deep inside, so that later, in adult life to remind myself that some fear your child is already covered in the school years, and you, as his parent, can help him to overcome all his fictional and fictional “monsters”.
So, what fears “hurt” our children “elementary school” (6-9 years)? First of all, the greatest fear in this period can be called the fear of death, with both your own and loved ones for the baby people. Children 5-6 years become impressionable and consciously perceive very subtle all around. Is no exception and death. If the child learned from my grandmother that someone was killed by lightning, he can transfer this fear to myself: maybe during a thunderstorm to cry and run to mommy, on the one hand, to protect yourself from the other to make sure that mom and nothing happened. In this period we need to keep the child from severe situations. If, for example (God forbid), his grandfather became ill, around the panic rose, and the family calls an ambulance – try to alienate the child from this: persistent worries about the health of loved ones can turn into a phobia. Such childish fear can manifest in the fact that, for example, the child is afraid to sleep and not Wake up, that is, to die in my sleep, or, for example, as wild as it sounds, get infected from someone disease and die. Children in this period clearly begin to understand that, firstly, most people die who are sick, and, secondly, the remaining (not ill) can escape from life accidental death.
If necessary, talk to him about it, try to dispel all unnecessary thoughts of death, not frightening, but leaving a “degree of caution” for a possible dangerous situations. For example: “You can’t kill the witch or sorcerer: they don’t exist. But there are just bad people, so you can not trust all. When you’re small, you don’t have enough forces to defend itself. So talk to unfamiliar adults and somewhere to go with them can be dangerous for you.”
In this period begin the first steps of learning in the school community. One of the common childhood fears with which you have to encounter is the fear of the child to make a mistake. Remember how in class the teacher asks about something, and you seem to know the right answer, but the hand is not raised because they are afraid to make a mistake. Why this fear? There are several possible reasons: either the child is very much criticized, or even beat the house at all bad marks, or he is so used to being a leader, the best ,and his mom is so proud of them that he simply is afraid to upset her and “fall” in the eyes of the class. Neither one nor the other – not good. Do not scold him SO much that he developed a fear of future mistakes. But if your child is a leader by nature, explain to him that anyone can make a mistake, you had also received a bad assessment, that is the learning process. Abnormal if the child is not just upset a low score on the subject, and roars over the top three in math and is afraid to go to the next class in school. In this period it is particularly reaches out to you and wants to be the best, wants you to be proud and in any case not called “mediocrity”, “losers” or “shame the family”. All his grades in elementary school – it is a merit of your and his teacher (but not spirivia everything on it: your influence on a child is much greater).
The reaction of the child on many situational fears in this period depends on parents. Why do you think the boy is a straight-a student, a student of the second class, realizing that he was late to class by five minutes, never went to class, and all the while sat under the stairs? He’s just terribly afraid of being late. Why? Obviously, I was too “violent” reaction of parents or teachers on a one-time delay of the child. And imagine how “rough”. No, to be late is certainly not good; the development of punctuality is the right thing, but why react like that? Are you yourself never late?!
Another situation: a girl of the first class runs every change in WC (health she’s all right), before each walk is also asked to visit the facilities, and for a long time (a cartoon in the cinema or a trip with the class) does not agree. Says that she is afraid “want to pee at the wrong time”. This is what, sorry, should have been done to the child to cause such fear. Obviously, once a girl was berated for “untimeliness” of such desire, and, perhaps, punished, and, quite possibly, was not allowed to go to the toilet, when he wanted, and she had or insanely tolerate or forgive, disgrace “wet panty”. Adults, that’s gross. And not for me to explain that the desire to go to the toilet is absolutely normal, physiologically correct and appropriate in any situation, no matter where you were and whatever you do!
In 8-12 years old children’s fear of his own death with skillful parenting is terminated, but the child is still afraid of losing people close to him. Fear to do something wrong, make mistakes, late is still present as “school phobia”. All this mixed with a fear of sorcerers, witches. We all remember the stories about the Black hand? Yes, all this may frighten the child. I remember very well when in 10 years on vacation I was taken to my grandmother, where lived my little cousins. Now, lying down at night to sleep, one of them told me some horror stories. In General, I was quite impressionable child, not simply are unable to fall asleep, and by midnight was already in tears and shouted: “I Want my mommy!”. If your child is afraid of “wickedness”, extortions this fear together. Do not dwell on this subject in conversations, but don’t pretend that nothing is happening. Distract him with something. Tell him that even if there is some evil in heaven protects child good angel on earth – and you, the parents (Murzik or dog Rex in the guards, too good).
One of the most difficult periods in the upbringing and development of children is considered adolescence. What the teenagers say about their fears?
The fear of death all parents also clearly accompanies this period. Toward that fear mixed with worries about a possible war or major disasters. Sometimes, adolescents, usually due to a specific situation, avoid closed spaces: elevators, subways, basements, attics.
But the fear of physical or even mental deformities forms in the future, shyness, timidity and doubt. They seem to think of too many pimples, legs crooked, maiden Breasts are too small or, conversely, too big, ugly nose, and hair color is just awful. And so in many respects, and that any week you learn something new about your daughter or son. Yet they doubt their abilities in chemistry, even when occupy first place in city competition; they are shaking hands and feet on the geography exam, even when they have the best scores in the class on this subject; they are afraid to talk to the opposite sex my age, fearing to seem “stupid” or “uninteresting(Oh)”.
When your kids grow up and reach adolescence, help them to discover a good quality, fight together with uncertainty, laziness and doubt. Your advice in a confidential conversation, play a crucial role in the ability of a teenager to “teach” myself and the desire to strive for the best. And remember: you should always be for your child the ideal toward which he would try to behave yourselves accordingly!
Related video: “Children’s fears”
Children’s fears. Afraid of what our children and what their fear manifested. How to overcome children’s fears.